Becoming a Better Mom, one YES at a time!
I don’t know if it’s just me, I hope not, but the word NO comes out my my mouth a lot more than I wish it did. In the midst of it I tell myself that it feels like I’m saying NO all the time because my kids are constantly asking for or wanting to do things that they know they can’t do, or at least things they know I am likely to say NO to.
It’s as if it never fails. Fifteen minutes until bedtime, “Mom can I make this lip gloss that I saw on youtube? All I need are crayola crayons, coconut oil and the stovetop!” NO.
I knew it would be messy, I knew it would be involved, assumed it wouldn’t work and that it would take longer than 15 minutes. I was also annoyed that these fun ideas always come up just before bedtime so I have to say NO and feel like a jerk.
We argued. I won.
The next day my daughter explained to my husband that she wants to make her own lip gloss. <—The famous mom said no so now I will ask dad technique. We talked about how I said NO. Not only had I said NO, I’d said it almost immediately upon her proposing her idea to me. I said NO almost by default.
He gave me a new perspective on the situation. What could it have hurt to let her try? Would a little mess have been so terrible? If she’d had to stay up past her bedtime by 10 minutes would I have died? Well, no but sometimes when you’re a mom you REALLY REALLY look forward to them all being asleep.
The next day we decided to take a trip to Michael’s and purchased some special lip gloss containers for her to put her lip gloss in and we let her take the reins and make it, all by herself. (she was 11)
The lip gloss turned out awesome, she made it all by herself and made very little mess. It also made her really happy. I felt like an ass. Why had I rushed to say NO so quickly? I began to recall all the other times I said NO to my daughter or my sons when they asked to do things I just didn’t want to deal with at the time. I don’t want to be THAT mom. I don’t want them to assume that I won’t let them do anything spontaneous or think that I want to suck all the fun out of their days. That’s when I knew I had to change.
Since then I’ve committed myself to saying YES more often when I feel like just saying NO. It’s easier said than done but I can assure you it’s really rewarding and I’m always proud of myself afterwards.
Today the weather was gorgeous. The kids wanted to play outside in the hose and fill up the kiddie pool, use waterguns and get crazy. I chose YES.
I bit my tongue when they decided to take pitchers and buckets into the bathroom and use the bathtub to fill them up with hot water which they proceeded to slosh all over the bathroom, carpet and kitchen on their way out to turn the pool into a “hot tub”.
You know what? It took a towel or two to clean up the water but I could tell they were excited that I wasn’t saying NO to something I normally would have. In fact, they kept tip-toeing by me thinking that at any moment I was going to kibosh their plans and put an end to the fun they were having. (this wasn’t the first time they’d ask to fill the kiddie pool with hot water)
I’m now making great progress, one YES at a time, and I’d love to know where you stand on this topic? Do your kids get to paint, make messes, play in the mud or create kitchen experiments whenever they please? Am I the only one who struggles with saying YES?
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I’m Julie, a former cloth diaper retailer who discovered a passion for the industry. Now, instead of selling cloth diapers, I advocate them and promote small businesses I love who sell and manufacture them.
I’m the wife of a fireman and mother of three. I have a daughter and identical twin sons.
